About Domestic Violence

Domestic violence is a pattern of controlling behaviors carried out by one person in an intimate relationship to maintain power and control over the other.  There is no stereotype of a domestic violence victim or abuser.  It can cross all lines of race, gender, income bracket, education level and sexual orientation.  It does not occur only in married relationships, but also in dating and past relationships.  Domestic violence may include physical assaults, emotional or verbal abuse, sexual assaults and financial abuse. You do not have to be physically hurt to be abused. 

Physical assaults may in the form of slapping, punching, hitting, kicking, throwing objects, biting, pulling hair and withholding food, water or medical attention.  Emotional and verbal abuse may be name-calling, threatening, manipulating, acts of extreme jealousy, humiliating or degrading, blaming, trivializing the abuse, angry outbursts or threatening children, family members, friends or pets.  Sexual assault is not only the act of rape, but also groping, injuring private parts of the body, using threats or coercion to receive sexual acts, and calling degrading or sexual names.  Financial abuse can be prohibiting one to work or go to school or forcing one to be the sole bread-winner.  It can also be controlling all finances or giving of allowances.

NO ONE DESERVES TO BE ABUSED AND YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME.  Abusers are responsible for their own behavior.  It is their need for power and control.  Domestic violence is not about anger or things getting out of hand.

Safety Alert!       

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Teen Dating Violence

For many people, the stereotypical victim of domestic violence is the a thirty-something women with three kids running to the shelter in the middle of the night.  However, according to Department of Justice statistics, young women ages 16 to 24 experience the highest rates of relationship violence.  Recent statistics have shown that teen dating violence can start as early as 11 years old. 

Teen dating violence can look very much like adult domestic violence.  Teens can experience the same physical, sexual and emotional abuse as their adult counterparts.  However, teens face unique obstacles to addressing the violence such as dependence on parents, attending school and their age if under 18 years old.  Because of these barriers, teen dating violence is often underreported. 

Teen dating violence can also hinder proper development because of the stress and confusion of an abusive relationship.  The abuse can effect the victim’s grades and planning for the future.  Research shows that dating violence is associated with lower grade point averages, substance abuse, depression and eating disorders. 

School can pose issues when a victim tries to leave the abuser.  If there are no options for attending a different school, the victim may have to face the abuser on a daily basis.  For the school to be able to help in any way, the victim would have to tell someone about the abuse.  Many victims, teen or adult, do not disclose the abuse to others.

Statistics on Domestic Violence:

In Michigan in 2007 ¹:

• 73,927 domestic violence offenses were reported

• 2,082 domestic violence victims were from Cass, St. Joseph and Van Buren counties

• 1,468 of the victims were female

• 614 of the victims were male

One out of five, 21% of Michigan women with current partners reported sustaining some type of violence in that relationship ².

Over half (58%) of Michigan women over the age of 16 experienced some type of violence by a man ².

Females ages 20-24 are at the highest risk for domestic violence ³.

One in four women will experience domestic violence within their lifetime ⁴.

20 percent of the violent crime committed against women was domestic violence, compared to 3 percent of violence crime against men ⁴.

30-60 percent of those who abuse their domestic partner also abuse their children ³.

Only half the victims of domestic violence reported incidents to the police.  Of those, 20 percent were immediately arrested ⁴.

Resources:

1. Michigan State Police.  Michigan Incident Crime Report.  2007. http://www.michigan.gov/documents/msp/Bb-DV07_263705_7.pdf

2. Michigan Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence.  Violence Against Women in Michigan Fact Sheet.  http://www.resourcecenter.info/files/stats/Violence%20Against%20Women%20in%20Michigan.pdf

3. U.S. Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs, Bureau of Statistics.  Intimate Partner Violence in the United States.  http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/intimate/ipv.htm

4. U.S. Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs, National Institute of Justice.  Full Report of the Prevalence, Incidence, and Consequences of Violence Against Women.

About Sexual Assault

Sexual assault, or sexual abuse is non-consensual conduct of a sexual nature.  It can include sexual harassment, voyeurism, exposure, sexual exploitation, sexual assault, rape, forcible sodomy, incest, child sexual abuse, ritual abuse, statutory rape and intimate partner sexual assault.  Sexual assault is purposeful, violent behavior. The perpetra­tor accomplishes sexual violence through threat, coercion, exploita­tion, deceit, force, physical or mental incapacitation, and/or using power or authority. While sexual desire is a normal part of the human experience, it is wrong to use force or coercion in order to fulfill those desires. Sexual arousal never justifies threatening and unwanted sexual behavior toward another person.  Persons who commit sexual assault do so out of a need to control, dominate, abuse and humiliate. Sexual assault is the articulation of aggression through sex, and has little to do with passion, lust, desire, or sexual arousal.

Those who are sexually assaulted are not to blame for what happened to them.  Sexual assault is an intensely personal offense. It is a dev­astating psychological and/or physical attack that can leave the victim feeling a wide spectrum of emotions. These include fear, humiliation, loss of control, vulnerability, embarrassment, guilt or anger. Some victims may not think what happened to them as a crime; some may feel as if they did something to deserve the attack. Unlike victims of other crimes, sexual assault victims are often not believed, and are sometimes even blamed, for an act of violence committed against them that was completely beyond their control.

Those who have been sexually assaulted have options.  They can seek legal action, medical attention and counseling for their abuse.  If they seek medical attention, they should not shower or change clothes.  If they change clothes, they should bring the clothes to the hospital with them.  Medical professionals will want to do a standard sexual assault kit or "rape kit."  This may involve getting a saliva sample, cleaning under the fingernails, combing your pubic hair for evidence, taking your underwear, photographing any injuries and conducting a pelvic exam.  The police may be called to take a report.

Statistics on Sexual Assault:

1 out of every 6 American women has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime (14.8% completed rape; 2.8% attempted rape). ¹

About 3% of American men — or 1 in 33 — have experienced an attempted or completed rape in their lifetime.¹

Every 2 minutes, someone in the U.S. is sexually assaulted.²

Sexual assault is one of the most under reported crimes, with 60% still being left unreported.  Males are the least likely to report a sexual assault, though they make up about 10% of all victims.¹

Resources:

1. National Institute of Justice & Centers for Disease Control & Prevention. Prevalence, Incidence and Consequences of Violence Against Women Survey. 1998.

2. U.S. Department of Justice. 2007 National Crime Victimization Survey. 2007.

3. U.S. Department of Justice.2005 National Crime Victimization Study. 2005.

Making a Safety Plan

Though the victim does not have control over their partner's violence, they do have a choice about how to get themselves and their children to safety. Leaving must be done with a careful plan. Abusers often become more violent when they believe their partner is leaving the relationship.

Safety During a Violent Incident

• Practice getting out safely. What doors, windows, elevators, stairwells, or fire escapes would you use?
• Keep your purse and car key where you can get to them in order to leave quickly.
• Tell neighbors about the violence and ask that they call the police if they hear suspicious noises coming from your home.
• Teach your children to use the phone to contact the police and fire department.
• When you anticipate an argument, avoid the bathroom, garage, kitchen and other areas near weapons or rooms without access to an outside door.

Safety when preparing to leave:

• Keep copies of important documents, keys, extra clothes and money with a friend or family member.
• Keep our crisis line number - 1-800-828-2023 - with you or memorize it.
• Check with friends or family members to see who would be able to let you stay with them or lend you money.
• Rehearse your escape plan and, if appropriate, practice it with your children

Items to Take When Leaving

Personal Protection Orders

A Personal Protection Order (PPO) is a Circuit Court order prohibiting an abuser from certain behaviors.  A PPO allows the police to make an immediate arrest that would not otherwise be criminal.  A PPO is effective upon the judge’s signature and remains in effect for no less than six months. There are two types of PPOs– Domestic and Stalking.   A domestic relationship exists when and abuser is the spouse or former spouse, has a child in common with the victim, is a resident or former resident of the same household as the victim, or is a former boyfriend/girlfriend of the victim. 

It is not necessary to hire an attorney to file for a PPO.  The courthouses have advocates that can assist victims in filing for a PPO.  The forms can be found at the Clerk’s office. The victim may have to report to the court on two occasions.  If the judge denies the PPO, the victim may request a hearing so the judge can hear their story.  The abuser also has the right to file a motion to terminate the PPO.   If this occurs, the victim must appear at the scheduled hearing.

It is the victim’s responsibility to have the PPO served to the abuser.  Any adult except the victim can serve the PPO.  The PPO may also be mailed to the abuser via registered restricted mail.  For a fee, a process server and some police departments will serve the order.

How to Help a Friend or Loved One

• Listen without judging
• Believe what the survivor is saying
• Let them know the assault(s) was not their fault
• Let them know they did what was necessary to prevent further harm
• Reassure the survivor that he or she is cared for and loved
• Encourage the sexual assault victim to seek medical attention
• Encourage the survivor to talk about the assault(s) with an advocate, mental health professional or someone they trust
• Let them know they do not have to manage this crisis alone
• Give them contact information for DASAS.  Our toll-free helpline is available 24 hours a day 1-800-828-2023